


Nine Times Hugh Asked Ioan To Marry Him.

by Lanna Michaels (lannamichaels)



Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe, Author's Favorite, BDSM, Kink, LGBT issues, M/M, Marriage
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-02
Updated: 2009-07-02
Packaged: 2017-10-03 09:34:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,024
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16611
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lannamichaels/pseuds/Lanna%20Michaels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. (And maybe a few more times after that...)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nine Times Hugh Asked Ioan To Marry Him.

**Author's Note:**

> So, once upon a time I wrote in the Citadel RPG, and decided to have Hugh Grant and Ioan Gruffudd be in a long-term heavy-kink BDSM relationship (this makes sense when you are me). I'm no longer writing these boys for that RPG, so this is just me sitting over here writing. This is my first counting-thing.

1.

Ioan is sprawled out on the couch in a display that makes Hugh wonder if he has any bones in his body, or if he was not, in fact, formed out of a rubber band. Of course, there is a reasonable explanation for him being able to use the couch the same way normal people would use a sling, considering that Ioan slips out of the house regularly to go do yoga and climb rocks and, for all Hugh knows, do special exercises designed for the specific purpose of letting him relax with his legs that far apart and his back hanging off and still be able to walk the next morning. Hugh wouldn't put it past him.

It makes Hugh's back hurt just to look at it, but it makes him want to jump him even more. It evens out.

"I've come to a decision," he announces.

"That's nice," Ioan says. He turns the page on the magazine he's reading. "Care to share?"

Hugh takes a deep breath, then says, "I want to marry you."

Ioan drops the magazine. It slips off his chest onto the floor and he picks it up without looking, still staring at Hugh. "Say again?"

"I want to marry you."

Ioan laughs shortly, nervously. "No, you don't. And I don't want to marry you." He flips over on the couch and comes around to sit up all the way, with his legs in front of him, feet pressed against the floor. "Give me a minute. I'll take your temperature."

"I'm not joking," Hugh says, but it's to an empty room.

2.

"Look, we've had this conversation," Ioan says, and Hugh knows that he is explaining the sheer desperation in his voice to himself to the fact that Hugh has him hog-tied and is taking extreme advantage. "Fine for everyone else, but it's not for me. Don't want it. You want to marry someone else, I'll buy you two a wedding present. But that's it."

It takes Ioan a good five minutes to get that little speech out. Hugh feels somewhat proud. Ioan is getting better at talking to him coherently when on the edge of orgasm. That training is going well. Now they only have to work on speed. But there's time.

"I don't want to marry someone else," Hugh says. "I want to marry you."

"We don't always get what we want, master."

Just for that, Hugh considers not letting him come. But he's in a bribing mood, so he lets him anyway.

3.

Ioan's head is resting on Hugh's thigh and his laptop is propped up on his abdomen. Hugh is supposedly reading a script, but he's really just indulging in an opportunity to pet Ioan's hair and read Doctor Who spoilers over his shoulder.

"Marry me," he orders.

"Keep telling yourself that," Ioan mutters.

"That's not how this works," he says. "I'm in charge. When I give you an order, you say _yes, master_. This isn't difficult."

"Uh huh," Ioan says.

"So, marry me."

"Bite me. Master."

4.

It's an excellent scene, one that started in the morning with what Hugh calls foreplay and what Ioan calls being a fucking cocktease (which is not a complaint). That foreplay/cockteasing had led through the rest of the day and by the time Hugh has Ioan naked and aching for it, Ioan's so far down that Hugh knows for a fact that Ioan couldn't tell him his own name right now if his life depended on it.

"Will you marry me?" Hugh asks between breaths, above Ioan's left ear.

After a moment, Ioan opens his eyes. "That is the most disturbing safeword I have ever heard."

5.

Hugh opens his mouth. Ioan raises his hand to stop him.

"Save it," he says, and moves to unknot his bowtie. "Just...save it. I don't want to hear it."

"I bought rings," he says.

Ioan pulls his cufflinks out with more force than strictly necessary. "Do you need the word _no_ explained to you, Hugh? Because I don't think I can find a word smaller than that to explain how much I never, ever want to get married."

But perhaps that was simply bad timing, after all, considering they were coming home from a ceremony where it was the third wedding for the groom, the second for the bride, and everyone in the wedding party was divorced.

6.

"What the fuck is your fucking problem?" Hugh asks.

It wasn't supposed to be this way. It was supposed to be a nice, normal, fractionally-romantic evening. He'd had this planned. For all that Ioan is an _unbelievable sap_ in December, Ioan considers Hugh the romantic in the relationship, and he has a point. It makes everyone who has ever met Hugh laugh and laugh and pity the two of them for having the least romantic relationship on the fucking planet, but fuck it, Hugh had _tried_. He had actually, honest to fucking God, tried.

Ioan, who has apparently somehow learned to read his fucking mind, is having none of it and had moved to stop it before it even began.

"What is your fucking problem?" Hugh asks again, because it bears repeating. "Fucking hell, Ioan. What's wrong with you?"

"What the fuck is wrong with _you_?" Ioan returns. "Where the fuck did all this marriage nonsense come from? You're the man who _bought himself a whore_. When the fuck did marriage even get on your radar?"

"Don't call yourself a whore," Hugh orders him, and it descends from there. Doors are slammed, and Ioan sleeps in the basement. With the door locked behind him. From the inside. For the next week.

7.

"No. I am _not_ interested in going through all the shit that happened when you came out all over again just for the sake of your midlife crisis."

Hugh sighs.

"It was bad enough then, and _never again_. Once was more than enough."

"I am never kneeling for you again," Hugh informs him.

8.

"Will you marry me," Hugh grits out, quickly and through clenched teeth.

Ioan curses long and hard in Welsh and nearly swerves into on-coming traffic. "We are never talking about this again," he says, horrified.

9.

From: "hugh"   
To: "ioan"  
Subject: This is pathetic. I hope you realize how pathetic this is.

`  
Relationships change over time.`

`By my count, this is the ninth time I've tried to convince you to marry me. I hope you realize that you've turned me into a pathetical little creature who is going to write you long letters that will get stolen by the paparazzi and plastered over the internet and I shall never work again. That's your fair warning.`

`Now. Relationships change over time. What you want when you meet someone and start up a relationship could be nothing more than sex. But as you get older and things change and life happens, sometimes what you want changes. You can only hope that your relationship matures as you do and that the person you're with has kept in stride with these changes and you're still on the same page. It's a crapshoot and you can only hope you get lucky.`

`I've been lucky with you, for the most part. I'm still shocked we lasted three months. I should have known that if we'd last three months, we'd last three years, and once we lasted three years, I was essentially stuck with you. `

`I've changed and you've changed and our relationship has changed. I'm not interested anymore in just a contracted slave, and we both know that neither of us has been interested in that for a very long time. Yes, it's how we started, but where we start doesn't have anything to do with where we end up.`

`I want to marry you. I don't care that it means I'm marrying my slave and that's inappropriate, because I don't think it's inappropriate anymore. I don't care that it means you would be marrying someone who used to pay you for sex, because I stopped paying you a long time ago, and you're still here. Just because we started with a very specific relationship, all written up and signed, doesn't mean we can't end up _here_. We are constrained only by what our relationship is now, not what it was.`

`And you are entitled to your own opinions as much as anyone is entitled to their own opinions. The world, and this relationship, would be very boring if we all agreed on everything all the time.`

`But here's the problem, Ioan. I'm getting increasingly insulted that you refuse to let me marry you.`

`As you have pointed out the previous eight times we've had this discussion and in several other discussions regarding marriage, you have no interest in it. And yet by this point, I am getting the distinct impression that it's not so much marriage you object to, as _marriage to me_.`

`I am very insulted by this implication. You're a very bad boy. No dessert for you.`

`Now. As per our agreement to never speak of this again (for at least six months), you're getting this through e-mail. `

`1) We already have a civil union, so I hope you understand that this is all semantics. `

`2) Furthermore, due to the paperwork having all been taken care of, I already win. We're married, deal with it.`

`3) We've been living in sin for years, we have annoying pet names and inside jokes, and our friends have referred to us behind our backs as an old married couple since before I came out. We have a marriage, we're already married, and you need to stop being in such denial about this. We're married, deal with it.`

`4) Don't be stupid, no one's going to call you a gold-digger. They've been doing that for years. It's boring. They'll find new and improved epithets. I've always been partial to "boy toy", personally. `

`5) We don't have to have a ceremony and you can pick out new rings if you don't like the ones I bought. But I draw the line at not telling anyone.`

`6) I know I'm the romantic in this relationship, so just humor me. `

`7) This way, you don't have to get me a goldfish for Christmas. (And I've said it before and I'll probably have to say it again: I'd actually like a goldfish, Ioan. I'll buy the aquarium, you buy the fish?)`

`8) Using a highly-unscientific approach based on common law and other statistics, we are (unstatistically speaking) already married, divorced, re-married, legally separated, no longer speaking to each other, and have adopted three orphans from Somalia. My way is simpler.`

`9) If you don't marry me, I'll tell your friends that you're a secret top, too ashamed to let them know because you're in a relationship with another top. They will be appropriately sympathetic and assure you that it's okay to be a dominant that submits to the best master that ever walked the planet. You will never live it down. `

`10) In a similar vein, yes, I am the best master that ever walked the planet. The least you could do is let me make you an honest man.`

`11) Remember those months you insisted on paying rent? This is payback.`

`12) It bears repeating: we're already married, you idiot.`

`Also recall that I am not above bribery. If you need to be bribed with sexual favors to appease your delicate sensibilities, you know where I am. I'll even spring for a trousseau of sex toys. _You will never live it down._`

`With eternal patience, `  
`The best master ever  
`  
From: "ioan"   
To: "hugh"  
Subject: re: how pathetic this is

 

`YOU ARE SUCH AN ASS. FINE. I'LL MARRY YOU.`

`You get to think up a suitably acceptable thing to put in the press release. I refuse to tell the world that I'm only marrying you because you badgered me into it.`

`-Ioan.  
`

(10.

Hugh takes great joy in reading aloud: _Hugh Grant announced Sunday his marriage to long-time partner Ioan Gruffudd..._

Ioan throws a pillow at him. "It's our honeymoon. Fuck me now, gloat later.")


End file.
